I thought I would do a post just to wrap up some things I learned from querying, which will hopefully help out anyone else who is still out there, persevering through the painful process of querying.
1. Querying can feel soul-destroying.
To someone who hasn’t queried, that might sound like a bit of an exaggeration, but to anyone else who’s spent so much time working on their project, condensed it down into a single-page query letter, and sent it off – you know what I mean. I put this as the first one on the list because I want to emphasise that you are not alone, and that it’s okay if you’re finding it hard. Querying can often feel very lonely, as you sit at your computer sending out letter after letter – and wondering if it’s just you struggling with this. But I promise that everyone who is querying (or has queried) is struggling with that same anxiety and despondency. And we’re all here for you if you ever need to talk to someone who’s been/is going through it 🙂
2. “Not for me” really does mean “not for me”.
I know, sounds obvious, right? But it’s actually not. I certainly spent a lot of time reading into those responses (especially on requested materials) that said while they liked the writing and premise, the manuscript just wasn’t quite right for them, or they didn’t “connect” (that one I got a lot). The knee-jerk reaction to that kind of response is what did I do wrong? And the answer is, most likely, nothing.
I had a realisation when I started to think about books I’d read, and imagined reading them as an agent. While there are plenty of books I love, and would even read again recommend to other people, how many of those books would I actually be the right person to champion as an agent? To read at least another ten times (if not more)? To gush about to editors and fight for it to be published?
The answer is surprisingly few.
Not only that, but of those books I really loved, would I have the right editorial vision? Of course, I’m reading published books so they’ve been edited a lot, but imagining them in earlier forms – would I have been able to envision changes that would make it even better? Again, the answer on a lot of them is probably not. When I started viewing those “not for me” rejections like that, it certainly took some of the confusion (if not the sting) out of them.
3. Other writers are your best allies.
Again, sounds obvious, but what I mean is that other writers who are either going through, or have been through, this process are invaluable to have at your side. I was lucky enough to form a wonderful critique/support group with some of the other participants in the 2016 Pitch2Pub competition, and without them cheering me on/allowing me to vent to them, I don’t think I could have got through this. Querying is such a uniquely painful process, and I found family and friends were often not the best to talk to about it, but other writers understand that frustration of endlessly refreshing your email only to receive a rejection.
If you don’t know any other writers yet – don’t worry, there are plenty of ways to connect! Twitter is a wonderful resource, with lots of events like #OnThePorch, #Chance2Connect, and more where you can chat with other writers. Even just following other writers and interacting with them is a good place to start. There are also lots of facebook groups, and organisations like SCBWI through which you can meet fellow writers.
If you only take one thing away from this post, I hope it’s this. Not only is it wonderful to have people to talk to about querying/writing/editing, but it also gives you the chance to potential do critique swaps, where you get to read their wonderful work while also getting invaluable feedback on yours.
4. Sometimes, you just need to give yourself a break.
Step back, have some ice cream, watch a movie, go out with your friends… whatever it is, sometimes you just need a break from querying. I hit that point in around February. I was feeling very down about the whole process, and was starting to think that TAF just wasn’t going to be the MS that got me an agent. I stopped sending out new queries for a few weeks, worked on my another MS, and ate a lot of ice cream.
I came back to it, partly due to nudging from my writing friends not to give up – and it’s lucky I didn’t. Right after that was when I got a full request from Natascha!
I think the break really helped me to recharge and get back into the right mental state I needed to be in to keep querying. And it’s perfectly OK to do that. I know lots of people, myself included, are hard on themselves when they take a break, even for a few days. But you have to remember to look after yourself. Taking a break doesn’t mean you aren’t working hard, you are just letting everything settle so you can get back to it even better than before.
5. There is no deadline on success.
One of the things Natascha said to me during The Call that really stuck with me was: “publishing is a marathon, not a sprint”. And that is especially applicable while you’re querying. It’s so hard not to compare yourself to others, but you have to remember that you are on your own path. Another person’s success does not mean your failure, it just means you are on a slightly different path to them. That’s one of the great things about writing, you can do it at any age and any stage in your life.
Another quote, in a similar vein, is from Roshani Choksi (who gave me this advice at YallWest!): “You aren’t a gallon of milk, there is no expiration date on your writing.”
Remember, you aren’t competing with other writers, and there is no time limit on success.
That’s all I have for now, but I might think of some more and do a follow up post.
And to everyone out there in the query trenches, I salute you!